Enduring a Miscarriage at Home

1/24/2017

No matter where or when pregnancy loss occurs – there are physical, mental, and emotional issues facing mothers. We have heard from so many moms who just did not feel that they understood what it was going to be like – enduring a miscarriage at home – which only made this time in their lives all the more painful.

Sometimes referred to in the medical community as expectant management, waiting for a miscarriage to occur at home after the doctor has delivered the devastating news that your child has died is like waiting on a lonely road for a deadly car crash you know will happen before your eyes. You feel helpless and out of control. Many women are sent home from medical offices with condolences and instructions to call the office after passing large clots, or prepare to experience what will feel like a heavy menstrual cycle with cramping.
Too often we just don’t know how to actually prepare – and respond.

So – let’s change that.

Let’s be willing to share our experiences and talk about what to really expect.
Let’s help each other learn how to ask questions in the doctor’s office.
Let’s keep sharing information about Wings of Hope. You cannot predict who in your life might need these resources.

One of the most thorough and thoughtful examples we have seen online for how to prepare to endure a miscarriage at home is at this website. *DISCLOSURE* The website provides the following warning about the content (graphic content is in words – not images): WARNING: Possible graphic content. Everyone’s miscarriage will be different and we want to encompass most experiences.

For mothers who choose, Wings of Hope does offer the common burial option for babies who die earlier than 20 weeks gestation. You can request a moisture-proof container from your physician for the purposes of transporting your child’s remains to the mortuary. Small, waterproof containers you might have at your home can work as well You must call the Mankato Mortuary (Riverfront Drive location) to make arrangements and this will include signing a release form to participate in the burial option.

Please let us know what questions you have - let's keep the conversation going in our efforts to provide the resources we know women in our community need!

2 Comments

1/24/2017 07:03:12 pm

I cannot imagine having to wait for a miscarriage to occur. Mine blindsided me, and after reading this I can consider that a silver lining, that I didn't know what I was experiencing. Maybe that made it easier. Anyway, I started spotting at 8.5 weeks, and it wasn't very heavy or painful at all. The following day it turned into what I would call heavier spotting, but still nothing painful. I called the OB office just to check, all the while telling myself this was normal or that it was the result of intercourse. I went to get my blood drawn for an hcg level. After the blood draw I went to the bathroom to check again. Sure enough I was still spotting, almost a light flow now, and I also passed some tissue. I kept telling myself it could be normal, I wasn't going to worry until I got the results of the lab draw. I went home from work early, feigning a sick child. I received the devastating news later that evening. My hcg levels were consistent with a 6 week pregnancy. Still I wondered if maybe my dates were off, but by that time I was bleeding pretty consistently with a light period. No pain, which is still unbelievable to me. I thought it would be more painful, that I'd have some painful warning sign. It was confirmed the following day by ultrasound, God bless my beautiful and kind doctor. I was remembering all the wonderful memories I had of my pregnancy with my son a few years prior, but here I was in this office again for a less joyous reason. the following days were like a heavy period at times, lots of clots and some cramping. Ibuprofen helped with the physical pain, but not much helped with the emotional pain. I just couldn't get the image of my baby in the bottom of that clinic toilet, unbeknownst to me that it would be the last time I ever saw it. I flushed my baby.

But alas, we are women. We can't give up, we won't be defeated, we will carry this with us the rest of our lives. Our significant others don't understand, and try as they may, they never will. It's gotten easier with time, but I will never forget. It still catches me off guard when a well-meaning acquaintance asks, "So when are you having another one?" If only you knew. Another silver lining is that I will never ask that question again. I now know it's nobody else's business.

All in all, it wasn't too physically painful. Maybe it would have been easier if it was. Instead, I waited near the bathroom for the inevitable to happen while my body betrayed me. I suppose I'll always wait, in any future pregnancy (God-willing). We were a family of 4 for 8.5 weeks.

Know that you're never alone, there are always others who will be able to identify with your pain. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, then pick yourself up and reflect on the lessons it taught you and cling to the things that ring you joy. Eventually you will be able to resume a somewhat normal life again, but you'll be a little kinder and a little gentler and a little more understanding. Lean on those who support you and support those who need to lean.

Chris

1/24/2017 08:58:04 pm

Thank you SO much for sharing your experience - it is in one breath so familiar for so many and yet so painfully your own unique journey. Your words, "But alas, we are women. We can't give up, we won't be defeated, we will carry this with us the rest of our lives..." is a perfect description. Thank you for sharing your story so that others can learn and heal.

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Enduring a Miscarriage at Home

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